o'humor - One Liners

From: aerc1 Sent: Tuesday, October 27, 2009

One Liners for use on stage at the comedy club.

 Q: What's the main problem with Barack Obama jokes?
  A: His followers don't think they're funny and everyone else don't think they're jokes.
 
  Q: Why does Barack Obama oppose the Second Amendment?
  A: It stands between him and the First.
 
  Q: What's the difference between Rahm Emanuel and a carp?
  A: One is a scum sucking bottom feeder and the other is a fish.
 
  Q: What's the difference between Greta Van Susteren and Barack Obama?
  A: Greta only talks out of one side of her mouth.
 
  Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?
  A: A fund raiser.
 
  Q: What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary?
  A: One's full of tax evaders, blackmailers and threats to society.  The other is for prisoners.
 
 Q: What's the difference between a large pizza and the typical Obama backer?
  A: The pizza can feed a family of four.
 
 Q: What's the difference between Simba and Obama?
  A: Simba is an African lion while Obama is a lyin' African.
 
 Q: If Pelosi and Obama were in a boat and it started to sink, who would be saved?
  A: America!!
 
  Barack Obama: He has what it takes, to take what you've got!
 
  Barack Obama's campaign slogan, "Yes we can" has become, "Yes you will!"
 
  No one wants to see GM's new convertible, the Pelosi, with its top down!
 
  The liberals have asked us to give Obama time. Would...25 to life be appropriate
 
A woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed to be far, too qualified for the job.The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you this; "Have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?"
"Well, as a matter of fact, I have!" she replied.
"I've been divorced three times, owned 2 Plymouths, and I voted for Obama.

How's that for picking lemons?"
 
  Obama doesn't want terrorists tortured.  He wants to torture American taxpayers instead.
 
  Why doesn't Obama pray?
  It's impossible to read the teleprompter with your eyes closed.
 
  New Barack Channel (NBC)
  Another Barack Channel (ABC)
  My Seriously New Barack Channel (MSNBC)
 
  Q. What do you call the US after four years of Obama and the Liberal congress?
  A.  An Obama nation.
 
  Q.  What's the difference between Obama and Hitler?
  A  Hitler wrote his own book.
 
  Q.  What's another difference between Obama and Hitler?
  A.  Hitler got the Olympics to come to his country.

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