o'Today's Pics

From: bham Sent: Sunday, August 19, 2012 Subject: Today's Pics

political correctness scenarios - 1958 to 2008

From: aerc1 Sent: Tue, 9 Feb 2010

HIGH SCHOOL  -- 1958 vs. 2008

Scenario 1: Jack goes quail hunting before school and then pulls into the school parking lot with his shotgun in his truck's gun rack.
1958 -   Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack's shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.
2008 -   School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.
Scenario 2: Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.
1958 -   Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.
2008 -   Police called and SWAT team arrives -- they arrest both Johnny and Mark. They are both charged with assault and both expelled even though Johnny started it.  
Scenario 3: Jeffrey will not be still in class, he disrupts other students.
1958 -   Jeffrey sent to the Principal's office and given a good paddling by the Principal. He then returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.
2008 -   Jeffrey is given huge doses of Ritalin. He becomes a zombie. He is then tested for ADD. The school gets extra money from the state because Jeffrey has a disability.      
Scenario 4: Billy breaks a window in his neighbor's car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.  Billy must do chores to earn the money to pay for the window.
1958 -   Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college and becomes a responsible, successful businessman.
2008 -   Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is removed to foster care and joins a gang. The state psychologist is told by Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has an affair with the psychologist.  
Scenario 5: Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.
1958 - Mark shares his aspirin with the Principal out on the smoking dock.
2008 - The police are called and Mark is expelled from school for drug violations. His car is then searched for drugs and weapons.    

Scenario 6: Pedro fails high school English.
1958 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English and goes to college.
2008 - Pedro's cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against the state school system and Pedro's English teacher.  English is then banned from core curriculum. Pedro is given his diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.  
Scenario 7: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from the Fourth of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle and blows up a red ant bed.
1958 - Ants die.
2008- ATF, Homeland Security and the FBI are all called. Johnny is charged with domestic terrorism. The FBI investigates his parents -- and all siblings are removed from their home and all computers are confiscated. Johnny's dad is placed on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.    
Scenario 8: Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary.  Mary hugs him to comfort him.
1958 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
2008 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison.  Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy.

Constitution Society: Founding Documents	Online Books	History Links	Quotations: American Values
TimeLine of: the Magna Carta	Declaration of Arbroath	History of: The US Bill of Rights	Constitution + more Amendments

humor - Dakota Indians, firewood and the WX Service

From: baja Sent: Wednesday, November 04, 2009

It's late fall and the Indians on a remote reservation in South Dakota asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.

Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.

But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, 'Is the coming winter going to be cold?'

'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,' the meteorologist at the weather service responded.

So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.

A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?' 

'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied, 'it's going to be a very cold winter.'

The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.

Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?'

'Absolutely,' the man replied.  'It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters we've ever seen.'

'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked.

The weatherman replied, 'The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy.'

...Remember this story whenever you get advice from a government official!

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humor: quips'n 1 liners: From The Observation Department

From: jb Sent: Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.'

--Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered.  But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'

-- Eleanor Roosevelt

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen.  I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.

-- Mark Twain

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible

-- George Burns

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.

-- Victor Borge

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

-- Mark Twain

-- By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

Socrates

I was married by a judge.  I should have asked for a jury.

-- Groucho Marx

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech.  Every now and then she stops to breathe.

-- Jimmy Durante

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.

-- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.

-- Alex Levine

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.

-- Rodney Dangerfield

Money can't buy you happiness ... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

-- Spike Milligan

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.

-- Joe Namath

I don't feel old.  I don't feel anything until noon.  Then it's time for my nap.

-- Bob Hope

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it..

-- W. C. Fields

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.

-- Will Rogers

Don't worry about avoiding temptation.  As you grow older, it will avoid you.

-- Winston Churchill

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out..

-- Phyllis Diller

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

-- Billy Crystal

And the cardiologist's diet:- If it tastes good spit it out.

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osama satire - A Canadian farmer, bin Laden & a Harley Biker

From: baja Sent: Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Three men - a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden, and Harley Biker are all walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.

'I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes in total', says the Genie.

The Canadian says, 'I am a farmer and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada .' POOF! With the blink of the Genie's eye, the land in Canada was forever fertile for farming.

Osama was amazed, so he said, 'I want a wall around Afghanistan , Palestine , Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, Americans or Canadians can come into our precious land. POOF! Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was a huge wall around those countries.

The Biker says, 'I am very curious. Please tell me more about this wall.'

The Genie explains, 'Well, it's about 5,000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the country. Nothing can get in or out; it's virtually impenetrable.'

The Biker sits down on his Harley, cracks a beer, lights a cigar, smiles and says, 'Fill it with water..'

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humor - The preacher's son

From: baja Sent: Tuesday, September 29, 2009

     An  old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession.  Like many young Men his age, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it.  One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment.  He went into the boy's room and  placed on his study table four objects..
1. A Bible...
2. A silver dollar...
3.  A bottle of whisky...
4. And a Playboy magazine...

     'I'll just hide behind the door,' the old  preacher said to himself.'  When he comes home from school today, I'll  see which object he picks up.  If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be!
     If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a business man, and that would be okay, too.
     But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunken bum, and Lord, what a shame that would be.
     And worst of all if he picks up that magazine he's going to be a skirt-chasing womanizer.' 
     The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's foot-steps as he entered the  house whistling and headed for his room.
     The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table..
     With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.  Finally, he picked  up the Bible and placed it under his arm.  He picked up the silver dollar and dropped into his pocket.  He uncorked the bottle and took a big  drink, while he admired this month's centerfold.
     "Lord have  mercy,"  the old preacher disgustedly whispered.  "He's  gonna run for Congress."

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